Seasons Change
I find myself looking back and thinking about my group of Girlfriends a lot- sometimes with bitterness, at times with great regret but mostly with deep affection and gratitude. To have had such a bond and to have experienced such incredible moments, I am truly grateful. I hope today, wherever they are, they can look back and smile too.
Before Varsity, so before the age of 17, I had never had to endure any relationship- never had to work for it, maintain it or nurture it. My family did a good job at cherishing me. Being the "co-youngest" with my brother, I never had to pursue their adoration, and that security framed a lot of my ideas about friendships. I loved the people in my life, but I also felt that I didn't necessarily need them- they fell in the category below family on my relationship pyramid. It's safe to say then that I took friendship for granted- not acknowledging or understanding the value that others might have placed on it.
In retrospect, I see how the tables were somewhat turned on me in my early adulthood, having to grow up and see my siblings as their own people- see them for who they were and who they weren't. They had their own lives and own relationships, leaving me vulnerable like never before. Security blanket gone, my friends became the dearest thing to me, and man did I hold them with a tightly closed fist!
Insecure
In the last years of Uni, I did my fair share of promotional work and ambassadorships- meeting new people and building some new friendships. When I widened my social circle, I noticed the ways different experiences and different people made me feel. Having other girls around me allowed me to confirm the sincerity of my friendships but also helped me recognise the toxicity. The love I had for my girlfriends' seemed to be disordered, blurring my objectivity and causing me to write off mockery as banter, insult as miscommunication and acts of competition and comparison as my delusional insecurity.
The more I acknowledged and attended to these negative feelings, the more my understanding of Sisterhood began to crumble. It's scary how self-preservation can be (mis)taken for Betrayal. I often wonder if my own experiences of betrayal were in truth my friends' attempts at practicing self-care? Pushing and pulling, each of us simply seeking to champion our personal needs at the expense of our community.
Quoting Molly's therapist- aka our therapist, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be in relationship?"
For a long time, Relationship was always the answer for me. But relationship at what cost? How far does our responsibility to each other and for each other's feelings, safety, well-being, and esteem stretch? I concluded that as much as I treasured these connections, I also treasured myself- needing people around me who were not just friends of my personality or influence, but people who were friends of my mind.
Go Gina
The sad reality is that, more often than not, girlfriend break-ups are rarely amicable. We all have our own 'truths'. In other words, we all switch up how certain events ensued to preserve the memory or to preserve our self-respect. Disconnect almost always precedes discord, and it is a rare thing for us to reach a resolution that leaves both parties satisfied with the facts of the matter.
But where does the permanency of these break-ups leave the concept of Sisterhood? Does Sisterhood prevail despite our differences, or does the hurt we cause each other effectively eat away at the bonds that hold us together as women? Sometimes I think it's silly of me to still care so much about people who are no longer a part of my life. But I find solace in the idea that our history, good and bad, serves me more than any grudge might.
I don't have 'Girls' anymore- it's not something I particularly believe in. However, there are so many incredible women that I admire and respect, who I support (and who support me) both loudly and behind the scenes. It has been these unexpected and quiet connections that have restored my faith in Sisterhood, revealing a more empathetic and accepting side to it. A sisterhood that gives space for individuality, embraces differences, cultivates shared interests, and just roots for one another. My own understanding of Sisterhood has also evolved, extending further than Squad-Goals and performative concern. It challenges the bounds of physical proximity, invites honest critique and correction, and quite frankly squashes unnecessary beef. If this is what Sisterhood actually looks like, my only hope for it, is that this facet endures the test of time.
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